I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
