Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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