Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
