I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
