We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
please don't ironically join a cult
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