i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize