We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I fill condoms, not promises.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
