We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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