i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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