Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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