He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
