yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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