Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
