your parents love me but you hate me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
did i walk over a car last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
