Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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