He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
