R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
