porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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