When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize