Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
