After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
