lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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