So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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