I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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