bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
