Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
