make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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