why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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