I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
