He kissed a someone with a penis
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
