i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
