maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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