Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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