Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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