Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
