first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize