i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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