i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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