I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
