you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just cropdusted the office
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
