He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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