Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
