i jhust puked up my retainher.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize