miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
