I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
