it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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