i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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