i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
