If that was your dad, he is hot
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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