well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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