when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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