After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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