I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
