put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
