Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize