Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize