wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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