the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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