It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
