Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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