I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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