Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
