I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
