dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
