Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
