Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
