how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
