you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
