Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
