She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
