I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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